??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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