Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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