this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
