i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
