Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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