When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
