Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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