I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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