if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
