This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
