Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
