There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
