Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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