So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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