you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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