And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
