is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
