You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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