Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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