a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
