Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm really into asian looking animals
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
