I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
