Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
