I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
