i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
