Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
