Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
