I hate your face
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
is wine microwaveable?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I could fuck to npr.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
