just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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