his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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