dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
