You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
