I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My penis needs a shock collar
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
