If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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