the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
