So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
