just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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