wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
