by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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