It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
