do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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