and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
How's work?
Spinning.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
