and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
