OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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