Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
