I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
