I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
