I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
