yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
