Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The uberlube is also flammable
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
