Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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