i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
