why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
